Dealing with Pregnancy Anxiety
After dreaming about and anticipating pregnancy for three and a half years (read our infertility story), when I finally got pregnant, it was not anything like I thought it would be.
As an infertile person who deeply desired to be pregnant, I had romanticized it.
What I fantasized about was the pregnancy glow, the cute bump, the feeling of kicks, the knowledge of a miracle growing inside me.
What I had spent little time preparing for were the side effects and symptoms.
Yes, I had nausea, insomnia, and fatigue in the early days. All of those things could be tolerated and even celebrated as they were proof that I was indeed pregnant.
What I was not prepared for was the anxiety. The absolute crippling fear that something was going to be wrong.
And early on, it appeared as though my worst fears were going to be confirmed. I was about six weeks along when I had spotting.
Frantically I went to Dr. Google to make sure my symptoms are normal. Well, it seems like spotting is a normal symptom, as long as it is not a lot of bright, red blood and not accompanied by cramps.
Which is why that evening as I had great spurts of red blood come out of me I was panicked. Did this mean we were losing the baby?
I went to lay down right away and thankfully the bleeding stopped. I told my husband and we immediately started praying. Then I got in contact with my doctor.
Just to be safe, my doctor upped my prescription of progesterone, put me on pelvic rest, and scheduled an ultrasound within the week. There were a few scenarios that could cause bleeding, and it didn’t necessarily mean we were losing the baby.
I spent the days leading up to the ultrasound walking on eggshells, afraid that any wrong move would make the bleeding start again.
But the day of the ultrasound came and there was no more significant bleeding. We ended up seeing our baby’s heartbeat that day for the first time. It was indeed such an amazing experience and we were so thankful.
My doctor told me I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, which happens when the placenta is slightly detached from the wall of the womb. Most people who have subchorionic hemorrhages go on to have healthy pregnancies, however, according to Dr. Google, it can increase the rate of miscarriage.
Even though we felt much better after having seen the heartbeat, I was still on edge. I was sure I wasn’t going to be able to relax until after 12 weeks.
But there were always new things to worry about. After 12 weeks I did feel a little better, as I knew the risk of miscarriage is statistically small at that point. I was still vigilant about avoiding risks such as listeria, or sleeping on my back. Anytime I ate or drank anything or used any skin product I took a quick trip to Dr. Google first to make sure it was safe for pregnancy. I was obsessed.
In addition to all of the anxiety I had about something happening to the baby, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, adding another layer of stress to the scenario.
The first few weeks of the diagnosis were the most stressful as I learned how to test my blood sugars and learned what types of foods were safe and what foods to avoid. In the end, I was able to control my blood sugar through diet. As a side effect, I ended up only gaining a couple of pounds in my third trimester, which was probably for the better as I had already gained 30 pounds.
How to Deal with Pregnancy Anxiety
I wish I had been able to enjoy my pregnancy more. I didn’t even like to take and share photos of myself after I had for so many years felt tormented by other people’s happy photos of their children and pregnant bellies. I didn’t want to cause that kind of pain for other people, so I kept a lot of what I was going through to myself.
I wish I had better answers on how to tackle pregnancy anxiety, as I know it’s something a lot of women struggle with. Here are the things I did that helped:
1. Enjoy the Moment.
Pregnancy can have its ups and downs. Sometimes you feel sick and tired and just long to fast forward. Sometimes you laugh as you watch your belly move up and down wondering what it is your funny child is doing in there.
As a way of coping with my fears of the unknown, I got into the habit of just closing my eyes and thanking God for that present moment I got to experience with my baby. Even if I wasn’t feeling well — and even if some of my worst fears came true — at least I would have and enjoy that moment.
We don’t know what will happen in the future, and spending a lot of time worrying about it is simply borrowing trouble. We are bringing on ourselves unnecessary pain. Try to live in the present and enjoy the moment.
2. Arm Yourself with Data.
Yes, it’s true. About 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, with most miscarriages happening in the first trimester. After 12 weeks the risk of miscarriage falls to only about 5%. Yes, there still are risks, but you can take comfort in the fact that you are much more likely to give birth to a healthy baby than not.
There are some things you can do to decrease your risk of miscarriage. This includes things like limiting caffeine, avoiding cold deli meat and other foods that may be contaminated with listeria. As long as you remember not to beat yourself up when you slip up, it may help ease some of your anxiety to know what foods are recommended for pregnancy and which are not. It’s a simple way to feel a little more control over something that is largely outside of your control.
The book Expecting Better by Emily Oster can help put some of the pregnancy recommendations into perspective. I enjoyed reading this book during my pregnancy as it explained the data and science behind common pregnancy beliefs.
3. Get Some Support
My husband and I attended a birthing class before our upcoming due date. Not only did it help me feel more prepared for birth, we also were surrounded by other women in similar stages of pregnancy. We could ask questions, share stories, and realize none of us were alone in our struggles. It was also a great way for my husband and I to bond before the trial of caring for a newborn. Giving birth was not something I was hugely anxious about, but there were other women in the class who did express a lot of fear surrounding it, and said that the class helped them cope with that fear.
4. Exercise.
Pregnancy can feel like a great time to take it easy and indulge. However, you’ll actually be more comfortable in the long run if you make an effort to care for your body. Exercise is a great way to manage anxiety. When I was pregnant I walked at least once a day for 20-30 minutes and did pregnancy yoga 1-2 times a week. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I did a suggested workout routine in a birthing book we had that included a lot of squats. It was supposed to help prepare you for childbirth. I’m not sure if it helped, but it at least made me feel strong and accomplished.
5. Eat Right.
After eating whatever I felt like in the first half of my pregnancy, a diagnosis of gestational diabetes forced me to change my eating habits. As it turns out, the diet suggestions for gestational diabetes work. I was able to control my blood sugar through my diet, and I only gained a few pounds in my third trimester (I had already gained a lot of weight so it was not an issue for me to slow my weight gain). Paying closer attention to what I ate also resulted in less heartburn, more energy, and a better sense of well-being.
6. Get Help
If your anxiety is to the point where it’s interfering with your life or your ability to enjoy your pregnancy, talk to your doctor about it. I had a lot of anxiety during and immediately after pregnancy, and I kept a lot of it to myself. I wish I had been more open about it. There may have been more my doctor or others could have done to help.
7. Don’t Read Horror Stories
I don’t know why I do this, perhaps it’s just human nature, but when I started feeling anxious I would just google my fear. This could lead down rabbit trails of internet forums where women shared very sad stories about miscarriage, stillbirth, or babies dying of SIDS, etc.
I think it’s great for people to share their experiences, but readers have to determine their own ability to handle reading or listening to a story that may bring up a lot of bad emotions or anxiety. I thought that reading about my worst fears may help me, but in reality, they made me more anxious. It’s something I would just recommend avoid doing as much as possible.
8. Don’t Over Analyze
Early in my pregnancy, I craved a turkey sandwich. After I ate it I remembered I wasn’t supposed to eat lunch meat during pregnancy. I immediately freaked and started googling stats about how high the risk of listeria really was on lunch meat.
Whether or not it makes you feel good to follow the food rules, just acknowledge that there are times you will slip up. Forgive yourself and move on. This goes the same for accidentally eating a runny egg, or having a couple of sips of wine, or using lotion with non-recommended ingredients. Yes, it’s good to be conscious of what’s safe if you can, but nobody is perfect 100% of the time.
People have been having babies for a long time, even without the advancements in modern medicine that we have now. Yes, again, it’s good to know what’s safe, but you need to also have a little faith in the process.
9. Don’t be Afraid to Share Your Journey
As I mentioned earlier in the article, I felt bad about sharing much about my pregnancy either online or even talking in person. I tried to downplay it as much as possible.
I had waited a long time to be pregnant, and I was excited about it. Sometimes it was the only thing on my mind. Yet, I was afraid to share too much of what I was going through. If I over-shared the joy I was experiencing, I was afraid it would come across as bragging. If I shared about the struggles of pregnancy, I was afraid I would come across as ungrateful. Sometimes I even felt guilty I got to experience pregnancy when I knew there were so many other women that were still in the infertility journey. I didn’t take very many pictures of my belly and I was afraid to celebrate for fear that something would go wrong.
Pregnancy can be a very joyous time. It can also be a very difficult time. Any emotion you may be feeling is valid. Now you may not want to blast every waking thought on Twitter, but any trusted friend or family member will understand what you’re going through and be supportive. Find the people you can talk to and don’t hold back.
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