My husband and I went through three and half years of infertility before conceiving our first child. You can read the full story about that here.
I was so happy and thrilled to finally be a mother, but the lifestyle change was a rough adjustment for me and my husband. Working full-time on top of parenting was an extra challenge.
It wasn’t until our son was almost two where my husband and I felt like we had enough leeway in our lives to entertain the possibility of another child.
I had a fantasy that maybe our second child, unlike our first, would be easy. An easy and quick conception, an easy pregnancy, and an easy baby. I could hope, couldn’t I? I’d heard enough stories about people who suffered through years of infertility, only to have an “oops” for their second.
After our son’s 2nd birthday we decided to stop preventing. I didn’t want to get wrapped up in the emotional roller coaster of “trying” to get pregnant.
A month went by and nothing happened. I felt a little off, so I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Soon after that, I began bleeding. “No big deal,” I thought. “It was pretty unlikely to happen in the first month. I’m prepared for this to take a year or longer like it did the first time.”
I was proud of myself for my good attitude and went about my business.
Shortly after what I thought was my period ended I started having consistent shoulder pain in my right shoulder. I tried stretching it, massaging it, and taking hot showers. Nothing seemed to help.
I took Tylenol to numb the pain and decided to rest my shoulder until it felt better.
A week went by and my shoulder pain stayed the same. No improvement. Frustrated, I took to Dr. Google to try to figure out if something was wrong. Muscle sprain was one of the possible explanations and the only one that really made sense for me as I had recently started lifting weights. I just figured it needed more time to heal.
The night before Halloween I went to bed feeling a little ill, but just chalked it up to something I ate. I was planning on baking cookies with William the next day and meeting up with my brother’s family for trick or treating.
I woke up at 2 am which was not unusual for me because I still occasionally suffered from insomnia. I did not feel good at all. I must have eaten something bad. I was having horrific stomach cramps.
I moved to the couch and worked on my computer for a few hours. By the time my husband got up I was in too much pain to work.
As I was describing my symptoms to him, I felt a jab of pain so intense I literally doubled over. I curled into the fetal position on the ground. “Something is wrong. You might have to call an ambulance.”
I managed to crawl to the bed where I lay in too much pain to get up until the ambulance arrived. Our son was watching Elmo as the EMTs came in to escort me down the stairs. By that time the pain was not quite as intense as it was before, although it remained consistently terrible the entire day. Even morphine barely took the edge off.
I had diverticulosis and what I thought I was having was either a diverticulitis flare-up or maybe a burst appendix or something.
It wasn’t until the ER doc mentioned “pregnancy in the wrong place” that I realized what this was–an ectopic pregnancy.
Indeed, after a battery of tests, they confirmed the diagnosis I suspected. Whatever bleeding I had experienced recently was not my period, but probably some bleeding associated with the embryo getting stuck in the tube. I was likely around six weeks along.
Because this happened during the COVID-19 pandemic, my husband couldn’t even be in the hospital with me. I had to call him over the phone to tell him that I was pregnant, and at the same time that the pregnancy was not viable.
Later that day I had emergency surgery to remove the pregnancy as well as the burst fallopian tube.
Signs & Symptoms of Ectopic Pregnancy
I actually had quite a few symptoms of ectopic pregnancy but didn’t realize it. This can include unusual bleeding, nausea, and fatigue, as well as shoulder tip pain.
When I initially googled “shoulder pain” the top results did not mention ectopic pregnancy as a possible cause.
After my surgery, I looked up ectopic pregnancy and shoulder tip pain was mentioned as a symptom. This is referred pain caused by irritation in the abdomen.
I wish the top google search results for “shoulder pain” included ectopic pregnancy as a possible cause. If they had I could have possibly diagnosed my condition sooner and saved my fallopian tube.
Ectopic Pregnancy Surgery Recovery & After Care
I was in a lot of pain at the hospital before the surgery, so after I woke up from the surgery I felt much better. I don’t remember a lot of what happened right after as I was still waking up from sedation.
I was sore for a few days and avoided doing any heavy lifting (that included my 30-lb toddler). I have two small scars on my abdomen from the surgery. One is slightly larger where they removed the fallopian tube, the other they made to check to make sure the other fallopian tube was fine.
Emotionally, it took some time to process what happened. I didn’t even know I was pregnant. In some ways, it made the grieving process easier. I couldn’t even really engage with the loss until a couple of weeks later.
I mourned the loss of our child, but I also mourned the loss of the fantasy I had about ever having an easy time getting pregnant. That was just not to be for me.
The hospital told me to get in touch with our doctor within a couple weeks for follow-up. One of the first things our doctor did after the ectopic was schedule an HSG to make sure the other fallopian tube was clear. If I tried to get pregnant again with another blocked fallopian tube it’s possible I could have another ectopic. I was thankful to find out I did have one remaining, working, clear tube.
Ectopic Pregnancy Outcome
After losing a fallopian tube, the doctor told me fertility decreases by about 30%. In some cases, the remaining fallopian tube can actually move around to collect eggs from either ovary. Because I didn’t lose an ovary, my outcome was not as bad as it could be. Yet it still felt like a stiff blow to tell someone with a history of difficulty getting pregnant that their chances of conception have decreased even more.
One lesson I’ve learned from this experience is to not ignore pain. Especially unusual, unexplained pain that lasts for more than a couple of days. I wish I had gone to my doctor sooner. Maybe I could have saved my fallopian tube.
I am so sorry you went through this. I know the pain firsthand. My first pregnancy was an ectopic rupture and I lost a fallopian tube. Flash forward six years later, and I have two beautiful little girls. The first was concieved with the help of clomid and the second happened naturally and came from my tubeless ovary – so it can definitely happen. Wishing you the best on your post ectopic journey and sending love.
I’m so sorry I just saw this comment now. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I just had to comment to say that I have had such a similar experience as you as far as your primary infertility — I finally got pregnant after 2.5 years of unexplained infertility (like you, I didn’t think IVF was the answer for me). I opted to see a functional medicine doctor instead, which sounds really similar to the NaPro Technology stuff you had done — I did a lot of the same testing and got pregnant.
Anyway, I relate SO MUCH to your comment of hoping a second pregnancy would come as an “oops,” or at least just quickly and easily. It’s been almost a year now of trying for our second.
Thank you for much for sharing your story!